Weddings in the Chinese culture are considered to be one of the biggest celebrations that is marked by many symbolic rituals and traditions that bestows blessings of prosperity, love and happiness upon the to-be-wed couple. These traditions are steeped in richness as they are passed down for generations.
In the past, the groom will show up at the bride's house to present the gifts to ask for her hand in marriage. The bride will need to stay in a room while her family assess the gifts and consider whether to accept and give their daughter's hand.
To ask for the bride's hand, the groom will present betrothal gifts such as gold jewellery, red packets, etc. that symbolises prosperity and good fortune to the bride's family.
Betrothal Gifts
过大礼
guò dà lĭ
It often comprises of food, tea, alcohol and other items representing the groom's sincerity and ability to care for the bride.
Today, the bride waits at the door for the groom to present the gifts and both families will gather together for a formal meeting.
In the past, the bride's family will give good quality cloths such as silk or cotton for the groom's family to make new clothes, belts, robes, pants, shoes, etc. for themselves.
Upon acceptance of the groom's proposal and betrothal gifts, the bride's family will then reciprocate with gifts of their own to thank the groom for his generosity and to welcome him into their family.
Return Gifts
回礼
huí lĭ
It often includes more practical items such as gifts to use in their new house to prepare the couple in taking care of their future house.
In modern times, the bride's family gives red packets for the groom's family to buy these things. This is because in the past, people made their own clothing while today, people mostly buy them.
It may include red packets, jewelleries as well as items used to bestow blessings upon the couple.
Fan
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In most culture, the bride will have two fans on her wedding day. One which she tosses away from her car whilst driving away from her former residence, bidding farewell to her past bad habits to welcome a fresh start with her partner.
For ladies, fans are a symbolic display of being lady-like. For men, it is a symbol of power, authority and wealth.
扇子
shàn zi
Umbrella
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Although the person who holds the umbrella for the bride is usually the bride's father, it differs with each dialect group. For Teochew & Hokkien brides, the person might be another male elder from the family.
The bride is usually covered with a red umbrella to fend off any evil spirits while walking to the bridal car.
Whilst walking to the car, the family member, bridesmaid or matchmaker might also throw red beads or rice for good luck.
sǎn
伞
It is also a symbolic representation of how the parents have sheltered the bride from harm growing up and is now passing the responsibility on to the groom.
Toiletries
The first morning of being husband and wife, the couple should use a new, exact same set of toiletries to wash up to represent a fresh start.
Down to the exact color, using the same set symbolise that the newly wed couple will have same visions and goals and see eye-to-eye in their future life together.
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Tea Ceremony
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One of the most important and well-known tradition in the Chinese culture, the tea ceremony is a display of respect and honor to the elders of the family.
敬茶
jìng chá
After the groom picks up the bride from her house to his house, the tea ceremony will commence. This is where the groom will introduce the bride to the members of the family.
Afterwards, the groom will bring back the bride to her house to do the tea ceremony and the bride would have to introduce the groom to her family.
In the past, the tea used in the ceremony is brewed by the bride's family using the items given in the betrothal gifts such as Rock Sugar, Winter-Melon Stripes, Red Dates, Dried Longans, Tea Leaves, etc.
Now, some families still choose to continue this tradition, but most families use the ready-made Red Date Longan Tea from the supermarket.
The tea should be sweet to symbolise 甜甜蜜蜜 (tián tián mì mì), happiness and to foster good relations.
Slippers
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On the eve of the wedding day, the couple will change into the exact same set of new pyjamas and bedroom slippers.
Pyjamas
In Chinese, slipper is "鞋 xié" which symbolises that the couple will be in harmony "和谐 hé xié" for the rest of their lives.
Couples should never be barefooted on their wedding day!
It is especially important for the bride to have button down pyjamas for easy removal to change into the wedding dress after doing hair and makeup.
Hair Combing Ceremony
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After the bride and groom change into their new set of pyjamas and slippers, the hair combing ceremony will commence.
shū tóu
梳头
The person who does the combing is either the parents of the couple, 贵人 (guì rén), or a lady of good fortune. As they do the combing, they will recite a blessing for the couple.
The most commonly known and widely used blessings are these:
一梳梳到尾 (yī shū shū dào weǐ)
May your marriage last a lifetime
二梳百年好合 (èr shū bǎi nián hao hé)
May your marriage be filled with happiness and harmony until old age
三梳子孙满堂 (sān shū zǐ sūn mǎn táng)
May your marriage be blessed with lots of children and grandchildren
四梳白发齐眉 (sì shū bái fǎ qí méi)
May your marriage be blessed with longevity
Bed Setting
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The preparation of the marriage bed is done at an auspicious date and an auspicious time before the wedding ceremony.
It is accompanied with prosperity bedside lamps usually on the side of the bride's side of the bed that must remain lit until the end of the wedding.
Usually, the groom's family will be donning the bed in a new, red bed set and symbolic items to bless the couple.
Fate coins are also placed in the four corners of the bed, wardobes and drawers, while the Chinese ancient coins are inserted into red packets (facing up) that are to be put under pillows and the mattress.
ān chuáng
安床
Prior to the wedding, the lamps are put to grow the next generation. In Chinese, lamp is "灯 dēng" and sons are "丁 dīng" which have pronunciations very similar to one another. To light the lamp is to "添灯 tián dēng", which means to add sons "添丁" into the family.
After the wedding, the lit lamp is a representation that the wife will always wait for the husband to come home, no matter how late it is.
There are two meanings to the lamps.
The most common items used are:
Dried Red Dates (早)
Peanuts (生)
Dried Longan (贵)
Lotus Seed(子)
Lily Buds (百年好合)